Mood Red / GoldcapX · 2026 · Hip-Hop · 17 tracks
L'Étranger meets Lacan in a sonic landscape. Dead Reckoning is seventeen tracks navigating without landmarks—from the locked flat to the open horizon, charting paranoia, desire, and the search for ground that holds.
...woke up again... ...same ceiling... ...same light... ...should eat something... ...maybe later... ...not today... ...everything just... ...flat... ...still here...
...thought I heard something... ...nothing there... ...I could have sworn there was something there... when I looked back, it was empty. Nothing... I could have sworn there was something there... when I looked back, it was empty... ...Nothing... Empty... an empty space... ...A void... something should have BEEN there...
...somewhere back there... ...can't find it... ...keep looking... ...same place... ...thought it was this... ...wasn't this... ...thought it was that... ...wasn't that either... ...it's behind me... ...always behind me... ...can't turn around fast enough... ...still looking...
...not doing this... ...not today... ...push it down... ...there... ...fine... ...handled it... ...moving on... ...doesn't matter... ...fine... ...totally fine... ...still fine... ...still... ...fine...
...shoes on... ...sitting here... ...shoes on... ...could go... ...just... ...not yet... ...maybe... ...shoes on though... ...still on...
...outside now... ...still here though... ...brought it with me... ...people moving... ...somewhere to be... ...don't know where... ...just walking... ...thought it would feel different outside... ...same... ...still here... ...just outside now...
...could go left... ...could go right... ...could just stop... ...where do people go... ...just... ...where do they...
...cold out... ...empty trees... ...that's fine... ...pigeons... ...just pigeons... ...they don't care... ...I'm here... ...they don't care... ...that's fine too... ...cold bench... ...okay... ...just... ...okay... ...still here... ...pigeons... Aujourd'hui maman est morte. Ou peut-être hier, je ne sais pas. J'ai reçu un télégramme de l'asile : « Mère décédée. Enterrement demain. Sentiments distingués. » Cela ne veut rien dire.
...ordered something... ...warm... ...hands around it... ...okay... ...that's... ...okay... ...It's such a... ...small thing... ...warmth down to the soul... ...four percent maybe... ...so little... ...at least... ...something... ...warm my hands... ...not my heart... ...that counts for something... ...four percent... ...that's something...
Get across the park Before it gets dark Unhappy child Children's tears Oh my she Oh my she, I know that Know that kid Been that kid Children's tears Tears are honest We could all use a little Honesty I know that much Children's tears
...two points... ...a line between them... ...kid across the park... ...two people getting married... ...approximately... ...first time... ...first time... ...know where I am... ...approximately... ...fixed point... ...here... ...approximately here...
I'm just calling to see if I can talk to someone... I'm not sure what to say... This is frightening... this isn't normal... I'm not myself... at all... I'm just reaching out... can you respond? I don't know what's happening to me but... I need help. Thank you for picking up... It's about time I did something... This has never happened to me before... I feel like someone else... It's not a good feeling... Thank you for picking up...
The waiting... The waiting... Is the hardest part. Hello.... I'd.... I'd like to make an appointment... Yes. An appointment... Yes. An appointment... The waiting... The waiting... When is your earliest time... It's important... The waiting... The waiting...
...showed up... ...thursday... ...sat down... ...okay... ...she asked something... ...simple... ...not simple... ...said some things... ...I'd never heard myself... ...first time... ...out loud... ...fifty minutes... ...or... ...a lifetime...
...just looking... ...that's all... ...just... ...looking... ...okay... ...showed her... ...this part... ...and this... ...she just... ...looked... ...didn't explain... ...didn't have to... ...just... ...there it is...
"I think where I am not, therefore I am where I do not think. I am not whenever I am the plaything of my thought; I think of what I am where I do not think to think." "I always speak the truth. Not the whole truth, because there's no way, to say it all. Saying it all is literally impossible: words fail. Yet it's through this very impossibility that the truth holds onto the real." Love is giving... Something you don't have... To someone... who doesn't want it... "But what Freud showed us… was that nothing can be grasped, destroyed, or burnt, except in a symbolic way, as one says, in effigie, in absentia." ...it was never... ...the thing itself... ...just... ...the wanting... ...built the whole... ...everything... ...around a... ...gap... ...not broken... ...just... ...pointed at... ...nothing... ...always nothing... ...the wanting... ...was the point... "The reason we go to poetry is not for wisdom... but for the dismantling of wisdom."
Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time. Billy has gone to sleep a senile widower and awakened on his wedding day. He has walked through a door in 1955 and come out another one in 1941. He has gone back through that door to find himself in 1963. He has seen his birth and death many times, he says, and pays random visits to all the events in between. Seeing things clearly for the first time... And what I see... is damage... And what I see... is damage... And what I see... is damage...